Sue
Heckler
Posts: 13
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Post by Sue on Sept 19, 2006 19:37:05 GMT
Have you got any good (or bad) jokes on your mobile phone? Here's some that's on mine...
Man walk into asda, slaps his circumsised penis on the checkout & says "let's see you roll this f*cker back!"
A young woman went to the antiques roadshow, dangled a tampon in the experts face and said "go on then you clever b*stard, what period is that from!"
***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for £1 ... No Strings attached ...but for a limited period ONLY! ...A bloody good deal!
THE SAD LIFE OF A PENIS - I've only 1 eye, my hair is a mess, my relatives are nuts, my neighbour's an arsehole, my best friends a c*nt and my owner's a w*nker.
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Post by The Collector on Sept 19, 2006 21:20:52 GMT
And I thought you were such a nice girl...
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Post by Stan Butler on Sept 19, 2006 21:24:32 GMT
I know! Shocking aren't they. They were the 'clean' ones! There's some on that phone that are not fit to be on here!
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Post by The Collector on Sept 19, 2006 21:30:14 GMT
Even tom's shocked!
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 20, 2006 23:48:41 GMT
Here... text this... t'is a good one!
What is the best sexual position for producing the ugliest babies?
Ask yer parents!
;D
N.
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Post by Grimly Fiendish on Sept 24, 2006 9:44:55 GMT
o.O
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Post by Stan Butler on Mar 30, 2008 15:24:16 GMT
I received this one the other day... Dumb blonde goes into PC World... (maybe this joke should be renamed Un PC World!).. Anyway, she goes in and asks for some curtains for her PC. The assistant tells her you don't need curtains on your PC. "Hellooo" She replies... "It's got windows!"
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smeg1990
Canned Laughter
Iranuuu! Oovavoo!
Posts: 153
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Post by smeg1990 on Apr 4, 2008 11:14:48 GMT
Ha thats funny, I've got one like that -
What do you do if a dumb blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin out and throw it back!
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Post by Zoot on Apr 22, 2008 18:07:04 GMT
I've had loads recently but haven't had time to put them up.... so here we go: A man goes to see a Wizard & says "Can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago?" "Maybe," says the Wizard "but only if you can remember the exact words of the curse." The man replies without hesitation: "I now pronounce you man & wife!" A bloke bursting for the loo uses the Ladies in a posh hotel. He sits down and notices 4 buttons: WW, WA,PP & ATR. Curious, he presses the WW and is gently sprayed with Warm Water, the WA and a blast of Warm Air dries him. PP, a Powder Puff which left him smelling fresh. Feeling pampered he presses ATR...... He wakes in hospital & the Nurse says "ATR means Automatic Tampon Remover. Your cock is under your pillow" Actually, think I may have to post the others in Black Hole....
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Post by Stan Butler on Jun 4, 2008 12:56:59 GMT
A 7 year old and a 4 year old upstairs in their bedroom. "U know wot" says the 7 yr old. "I think it's time we started swearin. When we go downstairs for breakfast I'll swear 1st then U" "OK says the 4 yr old. Mum comes in from kitchen & asks the 7 yr. old what he wants for breakfast. "Shit mum, I'll have coco pops" WHACK! He flew out of his chair crying his eyes out. Mum looked at 4 yr. old & said sternly "what do you want for breakfast?". "I don't know" he blubbers, "but it won't be f*ckin coco pops!"
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Post by Zoot on Jul 31, 2008 14:26:04 GMT
A cannibal is found crying next to a large pile of shit. His mate asks 'what's wrong?' The Cannibal replies 'I've just dumped my girlfriend!'
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Post by Zoot on Jul 31, 2008 14:28:58 GMT
I apologise if this offends anyone in advance....
3 men are watching a pole dancer. A Southerner gets £30 & sticks it on her right buttock. A Brummie get £20 & sticks it on her left buttock. A Scouser takes his stolen visa, swipes it between her cheeks & takes £50 cashback!
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Post by Mr Levity on Nov 16, 2008 21:45:42 GMT
A blonde walked into a cocktail bar and asked the bartender for a "double entendre".
So he gave her one.
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Post by Mr Levity on Nov 22, 2008 22:33:16 GMT
While I was in Sainsbury's today, I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread. But when I took a closer look, it said "Thick Cut "
;D ;D ;D
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Post by Stan Butler on Nov 23, 2008 4:22:49 GMT
While I was in Sainsbury's today, I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread. But when I took a closer look, it said "Thick Cut " ;D ;D ;D ;D I like that one. That'll have to do the rounds later!
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