Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Aug 27, 2006 2:12:54 GMT
When I got this on DVD I was annoyed to find no episode guide!!!
SO how do I know which are me faves?
Here's summat I printed off and thought I'd share -
Series One
Bills, Bills, Bills
Even though Barbara has just landed a part-time job in the bakery, Jim is annoyed about the latest telephone bill – £98 including £2.50 spent on chatting to Mary next door. With just six weeks to go until the wedding, he needs to save money while Denise and Cheryl both need to lose two stone. Dave has had corn beef hash and it's making him flatulent. He's got a gig tonight – Beverley Macca's 18th birthday party at The Feathers. Twiggy has some quality jeans to sell, for a tenner a pair, and some Wash'n'Go – genuine stuff but with Arabic writing on the bottle.
On the box: Birds Of A Feather, a Michael Palin travelogue, Home And Away, Today's The Day, a documentary on cormorants and TFI Friday, with "Ginger B*llocks".
Making Ends Meet!
Over dinner – pork chop, baked beans and chips followed by apple pie and squirty cream – the family discuss the wedding and Jim frets about the cost: "I should be entitled to disability allowance because this wedding is crippling me." Dave has had sausage and chips but no gravy, neighbour Jacko has a new car, which is red, Jim stinks out the toilet, and Barbara has run out of Penguins.
On the box: Family Fortunes, Vanessa Feltz and a documentary on meerkats.
Sunday Afternoon
After Sunday lunch – chicken followed by cream cakes (a little bit damaged) – Jim does the pots with Antony so he can avoid Nana going on about living alone and Denise trying on the wedding dress. Dave has had a bad pint at The Pear Tree. They all settle down in front of the telly with Crunchies (except Jim who has Turkish Delight).
On the box: Antique's Roadshow, with the family gambling 20p an item on each outcome ("I'm crap on pottery," Denise admits).
Jim's Birthday
It's Jim's birthday. Denise has a stress-related headache (or possible a hangover). Antony has a black eye (it was a gang up the precinct). Dave has had liver and onions. Jim has cake and pomagne before a trip to The Feathers.
On the box: Coronation Street.
Another Woman?
It's bedtime and Barbara is being boring about the bakery while Denise and Dave are rowing downstairs over Beverley Macca. It's serious. The wedding is in jeopardy. But tempers are soothed and, now everyone's awake, it's time for fun. Dave does his Paul Daniels ("That's bloody Orville."), Jim gets out the banjo, and Barbara sings You Were Made For Me.
On the box: God's Gift with Davina McCall.
The Wedding Day
It's the wedding day. Hairdresser Sandra Beswick had a hangover and Denise is worried she looks like Princess Anne. The women fuss around and calm her when she gets tearful, while the men have a laugh downstairs and Norma has a cheese sandwich (the picallili jar is sadly empty). Cheryl, in a dusky peach bridesmaid's dress, is determined to catch the lucky bouquet, and Jim is worried because he's got the runs.
On the box: Grandstand's rallying coverage.
Series Two
Pregnancy
Dave and Denise turn up after they've had their tea (Dairylea on toast) but Barbara persuades them to have bacon butties (which Antony must make). Denise reveals that she's pregnant – news that is celebrated with some Asti, while Denise devises ways of avoiding the chores a child will cause. Nana is watching Coronation Street and tells Denise to ring back later with her important news. But the Carrolls rush in from next door to celebrate.
On the box: Wish You Were Here...? ("She's looking her age, Judith Chalmers," says Barbara, even though she admits she doesn't know how old Judith is) and Coronation Street.
Sunday Lunch
Barbara slaves over a hot stove to make the Sunday lunch – roast beef followed by fruit cocktail from a tin and squirty cream – despite interruptions from Nana, telling her that a woman from Droylsden was on This Morning. But the meal is spoiled because the men are late back from the pub and all she gets is complaints. Meanwhile, Denise is preoccupied with the difficulties of pregnancy – including a craving for Toffee Crisps and Aeros and the frustration of only being able to drink in the evening. Plus Dave is refusing to remove the motorbike from the box room.
On the box: the EastEnders omnibus.
Nana's Coming To Stay
Jim is in a bad mood because Nana is coming to stay after her cataract operation. Denise and Dave pop round after their tea (spaghetti hoops). Everyone sings their favourite TV advert jingle (Club, Flake, Nimble and Cadbury's Smash) and Antony tells Denise that he's become the manager of a band called Exit ("Wherever we play, our name's up in lights"), a cross between Oasis and the Manics.
On the box: Strike It Rich until Barbara tells Jim to switch to Changing Rooms ("What did your last slave die of?" he asks).
Nana Comes To Stay
Nana has had her cataract operation and is sleeping on the couch with a patch on one eye. She has upset Jim by mislaying the remote control (it was in her handbag) and not sharing her Revels. Denise's baby is now the size of an orange and she's trying not to overdo it; Antony's band, Exit, have split; his new girlfriend Emma has gone out with another lad; and Jim is desperate to get to the pub.
On the box: Tomorrow's World.
Barbara Finally Had Enough
Barbara is going through the menopause – she's crying, she's complaining, she even switched the telly off and now she's gone out for a walk. When she returns, Jim is so contrite he even makes a brew.
On the box: a programme involving vets and Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? ("The best thing on television, bar none," says Jim).
Antony's Birthday
There's a party to celebrate Antony's 18th birthday. Twiggy has helped blow up the balloons, the buffet's ready and the present, a signet ring, is wrapped. It's a pity Dave has brought dog's muck in on his shoe, but there's jollity nonetheless – and a chance for the family to meet Antony's girlfriend Emma. After Jim gets his banjo out, it's time for Joe to treat everyone to a poignant rendition of I Will Take You Home, Kathleen.
On the box: Peggy and Frank on EastEnders.
Christmas Special 1999
The family have a lazy Christmas – watching telly, complaining about having to eat turkey and drinking snowballs – while Jim is in a far-from-festive mood. Then events take a dramatic turn when Denise goes into labour, just when Dave is taking Nana home on his motorbike.
On the box: : Animal Hospital, Noel Edmonds' Christmas Presents
Series Three
Hello Baby Dave
Jim saves a couple of quid by letting Barbara cut his hair, but then he wants to fork out on Sky TV. "We don't want Sky. We don't watch telly enough to get the value," insists Barbara. Dave and Denise pop round – they've had steak and kidney pie, not home-made – with Baby David in a tasselled leather jacket. Jim is embarrassed when Denise has to breastfeed, but she's still refusing to get up in the night or change the baby's nappy. Antony and Darren turn up, too. In the kitchen, they share sausage and mash and do Ali G impressions.
On the box: Watchdog ("I am watching a bloody dog," Jim shouts at Anne Robinson) and Celebrity Ready, Steady, Cook.
Babysitting Again
Denise and Dave come round to pick up Baby David after they spent the night at a lock-in at The Feathers. The pair tried their hand at karaoke, as did Beverley Macca who was shite at Titanic and Shania Twain. Denise has decided she won't smoke in front of her child – until he's old enough to walk out the room if he objects. Antony is kept busy, making bacon butties and tea and looking after David when he cries. Neighbour Joe returns from hospital after injuring two fingers on the cheese grater. "We're going back to Dairylea as it's much safer," his wife Mary decides.
On the box: CD:UK and On The Ball
Decorating
Barbara has insisted that the living room is redecorated for Baby David's christening so Jim and Twiggy get to work, stripping the wallpaper to make way for woodchip. David gets blackmailed into helping, Denise is suffering from post-baby fatigue, Cheryl's happy because she has new scales which make her lighter, Antony does his Ali G impression, and Darren gets teased for going out with Big Julie from Argos, a Tina Turner lookalike.
On the radio: Mambo No. Five by Lou Bega (which has Jim, Twiggy and Barbara dancing), This Is My Moment by Martine McCutcheon, More Than A Woman by Tavares, Honey To The Bee by Billie and Tragedy by Steps.
Elsie's Funeral
Nana is visiting, and drinking lots of brandy, after attending the funeral of best friend Elsie ("It was like losing a limb"). She has managed to get her hands on Elsie's perishables – fishfingers, two chops and six bottles of Guinness – before the house was cleared by Elsie's daughter Marion, who is high up in North West Water. Cheryl's got through a pound of fudge but it doesn't stop her putting in an order when Antony is sent to the chippie to get supper.
On the box: Hollyoaks, Emmerdale and Holiday
Antony's Going To London
The family are watching telly before their tea of egg and chips. Denise tells of how the ashtray accidentally got spilt over Baby David, and Dave reveals that he's almost finished making the toy farmyard. Antony's going to London to try to arouse interest in a tape of the band, who reformed after Darren thought up a good riff. Antony shows off his juggling skills with the potatoes he's peeled and Dave shows off his double-jointed finger. Nana returns after 40 fruitless minutes in the toilet to talk her usual nonsense, but her constipation troubles are about to end.
On the telly: Shopping City
The Christening
The back door bursts open and Jim leads the conga, marking the start of Baby David's christening party. (NB The redecoration Barbara demanded has not been done – no woodchip on the walls yet). Baby David's put in an upstairs room so Denise can smoke. In his cot, he gets an emotional visit from Jim and then his parents play Radiohead to him. Dave has grown a goatee beard, Twiggy's common, leather-jacketed girlfriend Michelle (Sally Lindsay) upsets Denise and Cheryl, Mary finds Dave's asthma amusing, Cheryl's had good news from a clairvoyant up the precinct, Mary has a dance with scruffy pensioner PJ (John Delaney) even though he stinks of p*ss, and Jim and Barbara do their party piece – Someday You'll Want Me To Want You – with Antony accompanying them on the spoons. And the event concludes with an important announcement – Antony's getting engaged to Emma.
On the stereo: Frank Sinatra and The Pogues
Christmas Special 2000
The Royles are celebrating Baby David's first birthday (he gets 200 ciggies from Cheryl and a home-made garage from Dave), but Barbara is feeling tense because Emma and her parents Valerie (Sharon Duce) and Roger (John Henshaw) are coming over for tea and she's not quite sure what to serve in the finger buffet because they're all vegetarians.
N.
SO how do I know which are me faves?
Here's summat I printed off and thought I'd share -
Series One
Bills, Bills, Bills
Even though Barbara has just landed a part-time job in the bakery, Jim is annoyed about the latest telephone bill – £98 including £2.50 spent on chatting to Mary next door. With just six weeks to go until the wedding, he needs to save money while Denise and Cheryl both need to lose two stone. Dave has had corn beef hash and it's making him flatulent. He's got a gig tonight – Beverley Macca's 18th birthday party at The Feathers. Twiggy has some quality jeans to sell, for a tenner a pair, and some Wash'n'Go – genuine stuff but with Arabic writing on the bottle.
On the box: Birds Of A Feather, a Michael Palin travelogue, Home And Away, Today's The Day, a documentary on cormorants and TFI Friday, with "Ginger B*llocks".
Making Ends Meet!
Over dinner – pork chop, baked beans and chips followed by apple pie and squirty cream – the family discuss the wedding and Jim frets about the cost: "I should be entitled to disability allowance because this wedding is crippling me." Dave has had sausage and chips but no gravy, neighbour Jacko has a new car, which is red, Jim stinks out the toilet, and Barbara has run out of Penguins.
On the box: Family Fortunes, Vanessa Feltz and a documentary on meerkats.
Sunday Afternoon
After Sunday lunch – chicken followed by cream cakes (a little bit damaged) – Jim does the pots with Antony so he can avoid Nana going on about living alone and Denise trying on the wedding dress. Dave has had a bad pint at The Pear Tree. They all settle down in front of the telly with Crunchies (except Jim who has Turkish Delight).
On the box: Antique's Roadshow, with the family gambling 20p an item on each outcome ("I'm crap on pottery," Denise admits).
Jim's Birthday
It's Jim's birthday. Denise has a stress-related headache (or possible a hangover). Antony has a black eye (it was a gang up the precinct). Dave has had liver and onions. Jim has cake and pomagne before a trip to The Feathers.
On the box: Coronation Street.
Another Woman?
It's bedtime and Barbara is being boring about the bakery while Denise and Dave are rowing downstairs over Beverley Macca. It's serious. The wedding is in jeopardy. But tempers are soothed and, now everyone's awake, it's time for fun. Dave does his Paul Daniels ("That's bloody Orville."), Jim gets out the banjo, and Barbara sings You Were Made For Me.
On the box: God's Gift with Davina McCall.
The Wedding Day
It's the wedding day. Hairdresser Sandra Beswick had a hangover and Denise is worried she looks like Princess Anne. The women fuss around and calm her when she gets tearful, while the men have a laugh downstairs and Norma has a cheese sandwich (the picallili jar is sadly empty). Cheryl, in a dusky peach bridesmaid's dress, is determined to catch the lucky bouquet, and Jim is worried because he's got the runs.
On the box: Grandstand's rallying coverage.
Series Two
Pregnancy
Dave and Denise turn up after they've had their tea (Dairylea on toast) but Barbara persuades them to have bacon butties (which Antony must make). Denise reveals that she's pregnant – news that is celebrated with some Asti, while Denise devises ways of avoiding the chores a child will cause. Nana is watching Coronation Street and tells Denise to ring back later with her important news. But the Carrolls rush in from next door to celebrate.
On the box: Wish You Were Here...? ("She's looking her age, Judith Chalmers," says Barbara, even though she admits she doesn't know how old Judith is) and Coronation Street.
Sunday Lunch
Barbara slaves over a hot stove to make the Sunday lunch – roast beef followed by fruit cocktail from a tin and squirty cream – despite interruptions from Nana, telling her that a woman from Droylsden was on This Morning. But the meal is spoiled because the men are late back from the pub and all she gets is complaints. Meanwhile, Denise is preoccupied with the difficulties of pregnancy – including a craving for Toffee Crisps and Aeros and the frustration of only being able to drink in the evening. Plus Dave is refusing to remove the motorbike from the box room.
On the box: the EastEnders omnibus.
Nana's Coming To Stay
Jim is in a bad mood because Nana is coming to stay after her cataract operation. Denise and Dave pop round after their tea (spaghetti hoops). Everyone sings their favourite TV advert jingle (Club, Flake, Nimble and Cadbury's Smash) and Antony tells Denise that he's become the manager of a band called Exit ("Wherever we play, our name's up in lights"), a cross between Oasis and the Manics.
On the box: Strike It Rich until Barbara tells Jim to switch to Changing Rooms ("What did your last slave die of?" he asks).
Nana Comes To Stay
Nana has had her cataract operation and is sleeping on the couch with a patch on one eye. She has upset Jim by mislaying the remote control (it was in her handbag) and not sharing her Revels. Denise's baby is now the size of an orange and she's trying not to overdo it; Antony's band, Exit, have split; his new girlfriend Emma has gone out with another lad; and Jim is desperate to get to the pub.
On the box: Tomorrow's World.
Barbara Finally Had Enough
Barbara is going through the menopause – she's crying, she's complaining, she even switched the telly off and now she's gone out for a walk. When she returns, Jim is so contrite he even makes a brew.
On the box: a programme involving vets and Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? ("The best thing on television, bar none," says Jim).
Antony's Birthday
There's a party to celebrate Antony's 18th birthday. Twiggy has helped blow up the balloons, the buffet's ready and the present, a signet ring, is wrapped. It's a pity Dave has brought dog's muck in on his shoe, but there's jollity nonetheless – and a chance for the family to meet Antony's girlfriend Emma. After Jim gets his banjo out, it's time for Joe to treat everyone to a poignant rendition of I Will Take You Home, Kathleen.
On the box: Peggy and Frank on EastEnders.
Christmas Special 1999
The family have a lazy Christmas – watching telly, complaining about having to eat turkey and drinking snowballs – while Jim is in a far-from-festive mood. Then events take a dramatic turn when Denise goes into labour, just when Dave is taking Nana home on his motorbike.
On the box: : Animal Hospital, Noel Edmonds' Christmas Presents
Series Three
Hello Baby Dave
Jim saves a couple of quid by letting Barbara cut his hair, but then he wants to fork out on Sky TV. "We don't want Sky. We don't watch telly enough to get the value," insists Barbara. Dave and Denise pop round – they've had steak and kidney pie, not home-made – with Baby David in a tasselled leather jacket. Jim is embarrassed when Denise has to breastfeed, but she's still refusing to get up in the night or change the baby's nappy. Antony and Darren turn up, too. In the kitchen, they share sausage and mash and do Ali G impressions.
On the box: Watchdog ("I am watching a bloody dog," Jim shouts at Anne Robinson) and Celebrity Ready, Steady, Cook.
Babysitting Again
Denise and Dave come round to pick up Baby David after they spent the night at a lock-in at The Feathers. The pair tried their hand at karaoke, as did Beverley Macca who was shite at Titanic and Shania Twain. Denise has decided she won't smoke in front of her child – until he's old enough to walk out the room if he objects. Antony is kept busy, making bacon butties and tea and looking after David when he cries. Neighbour Joe returns from hospital after injuring two fingers on the cheese grater. "We're going back to Dairylea as it's much safer," his wife Mary decides.
On the box: CD:UK and On The Ball
Decorating
Barbara has insisted that the living room is redecorated for Baby David's christening so Jim and Twiggy get to work, stripping the wallpaper to make way for woodchip. David gets blackmailed into helping, Denise is suffering from post-baby fatigue, Cheryl's happy because she has new scales which make her lighter, Antony does his Ali G impression, and Darren gets teased for going out with Big Julie from Argos, a Tina Turner lookalike.
On the radio: Mambo No. Five by Lou Bega (which has Jim, Twiggy and Barbara dancing), This Is My Moment by Martine McCutcheon, More Than A Woman by Tavares, Honey To The Bee by Billie and Tragedy by Steps.
Elsie's Funeral
Nana is visiting, and drinking lots of brandy, after attending the funeral of best friend Elsie ("It was like losing a limb"). She has managed to get her hands on Elsie's perishables – fishfingers, two chops and six bottles of Guinness – before the house was cleared by Elsie's daughter Marion, who is high up in North West Water. Cheryl's got through a pound of fudge but it doesn't stop her putting in an order when Antony is sent to the chippie to get supper.
On the box: Hollyoaks, Emmerdale and Holiday
Antony's Going To London
The family are watching telly before their tea of egg and chips. Denise tells of how the ashtray accidentally got spilt over Baby David, and Dave reveals that he's almost finished making the toy farmyard. Antony's going to London to try to arouse interest in a tape of the band, who reformed after Darren thought up a good riff. Antony shows off his juggling skills with the potatoes he's peeled and Dave shows off his double-jointed finger. Nana returns after 40 fruitless minutes in the toilet to talk her usual nonsense, but her constipation troubles are about to end.
On the telly: Shopping City
The Christening
The back door bursts open and Jim leads the conga, marking the start of Baby David's christening party. (NB The redecoration Barbara demanded has not been done – no woodchip on the walls yet). Baby David's put in an upstairs room so Denise can smoke. In his cot, he gets an emotional visit from Jim and then his parents play Radiohead to him. Dave has grown a goatee beard, Twiggy's common, leather-jacketed girlfriend Michelle (Sally Lindsay) upsets Denise and Cheryl, Mary finds Dave's asthma amusing, Cheryl's had good news from a clairvoyant up the precinct, Mary has a dance with scruffy pensioner PJ (John Delaney) even though he stinks of p*ss, and Jim and Barbara do their party piece – Someday You'll Want Me To Want You – with Antony accompanying them on the spoons. And the event concludes with an important announcement – Antony's getting engaged to Emma.
On the stereo: Frank Sinatra and The Pogues
Christmas Special 2000
The Royles are celebrating Baby David's first birthday (he gets 200 ciggies from Cheryl and a home-made garage from Dave), but Barbara is feeling tense because Emma and her parents Valerie (Sharon Duce) and Roger (John Henshaw) are coming over for tea and she's not quite sure what to serve in the finger buffet because they're all vegetarians.
N.
they seem wooden in that, even Jonny n louise in lager n crisps, they seem crap
