Monty Python's Life of Brian

[The Collector]

Ok, time for some more Classic Pyyton quotes...This time from


Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Attendee: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace - shut up!
Reg: There is not one of us who would not gladly suffer death to rid this country of the Romans once and for all.
Dissenter: Uh, well, one.
Reg: Oh, yeah, yeah, there's one. But otherwise, we're solid.

Brian: I am NOT the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.


Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Prisoner: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Mr. Cheeky: Er, no, freedom actually.
Coordinator: What?
Mr. Cheeky: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Mr. Cheeky: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, f*ck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we f*ck off, O Lord?

Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.
The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!
The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in crowd: I'm not...
The Crowd: Sch!

Brian: You have to be different!
The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
Small lonely voice: I'm not!



Pontius Pilate: Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!

Pontius Pilate: So, yaw fatha was a Woman? Who was he?
Brian: He was a Centurion, in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
Pontius Pilate: Weally? What was his name?
Brian: 'Naughtius Maximus'.
[the Centurion laughs]
Pontius Pilate: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
Centurion: Well, no, sir.
Pontius Pilate: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
Centurion: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir... like, uh, 'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
Pontius Pilate: [guard chuckles] What's so funny about "Biggus Dickus? "
Centurion: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
[guard chuckles]
Pontius Pilate: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
Brian: Can I go now, sir?
[slap]
Brian: Aaah! Eh.
Pontius Pilate: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this!
[guard chuckles]
Pontius Pilate: Wight! Take him away!
Centurion: Oh, sir, he - he only ...
Pontius Pilate: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
Centurion: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
[takes the guard away as continues laughing histerically]
Pontius Pilate: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. - - Anybody else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
[another guard chuckles]
Pontius Pilate: ... Dickus?
[more chuckling]
Pontius Pilate: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name... 'Biggus'...
[chuckle]
Pontius Pilate: ... Dickus?
[both guards chuckle]
Pontius Pilate: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'... Incontinentia Buttocks
Pontius Pilate: [Guards are laughing] Stop! What is all this?
Pontius Pilate: [Laughing continues] I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not - Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!

Boring Prophet: There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O'clock.

I'll leave the obvious one for someone else...

[Stan Butler]

I didn't realsie we hadn't discussed 'Brian' yet!

[The Collector]

gary said:

I didn't realsie we hadn't discussed 'Brian' yet!

Well...discuss it then!

[Lieutenant Columbo]

No!

;D

N.

P.S. The "Eff off Big Nose" stuff is my favourite... and at least the meek get something!

;D

[Stan Butler]

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"

[The Collector]

gary said:

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"

And you said you'd resist the temptation!

[Lieutenant Columbo]

He lied!

N.

[Conrad Poohs]

Lawsey, what can I say about Life of Brian? My first boyfriend, a fellow MPFC fan, saw it when he was visiting family in L.A. one summer, came home and said, You've got to see this.

For some reason, I'd decided not to see it (silly me). He said, There's one scene in it that has NOTHING to do with the storyline, that's going to kill you. Well, he was close... I had an aisle seat and I literally just about fell into the aisle laughing. Those who've seen the movie will know which scene I'm talking about.

He bought me the record for it, which is the film itself kind of condensed, so I learned it from start to finish from listening to it over and over.

Too many great lines from this movie to cite here, unfortunately, but one favorite:

"Romani eunt domus? People called Romani they go the house?"
"It says, 'Romans go home.'"
"No it doesn't."

Funny story (at least to me it is). I wasn't raised in a religious environment (okay, I was raised atheist). My sister and I were taking a class in college called "Western Civilization to the 12th Century." The prof mentioned Pontius Pilate, and I busted up laughing, because of Palin's rendition of Pilate. My sister shushed me (the professor was rather intimidating), and whispered, "Shhhh, he was a real person!" I squeaked, "He WAS??" So she had to explain to me who Pontius Pilate was.

Python fans will probably know this, but here's an interesting fact: Graham Chapman was not only the main lead in the movie, but he also served as the staff physician. He mostly treated scorpion stings and dysentery. They said scorpions were everywhere while they were in Tunisia, often just off-camera while filming outdoor scenes.