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Post by daveinfl on Sept 27, 2006 20:20:53 GMT
I can't quite make up my mind if I like this guy or not. I've seen a few of his stand ups and some of them have had me in stitches, but then again others have left me scratching mi head.
How is he viewed back home and what do people on here think about him?
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Post by Stan Butler on Sept 27, 2006 20:25:26 GMT
I don't like him!
Never found him funny at all.
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 27, 2006 22:25:25 GMT
Used to think he was good... but I've gone off all that 'intellectual + surreal = fun for everyone' stuff now I reckon.
N.
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Post by The Collector on Sept 28, 2006 9:34:15 GMT
When on Form he's brilliant.
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Post by daveinfl on Sept 28, 2006 12:01:22 GMT
Aye, I guess that sums it up Zygon  |
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 28, 2006 12:14:24 GMT
When on Form he's brilliant. That's the same for all of us! Me? Ah well... I'm always SPOT ON... but one day... you'll have to allow me not to be as brilliant... it might just happen!  ;D N. |
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Post by The Collector on Sept 28, 2006 17:13:19 GMT
Yes dear, Keep taking the tablets
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 28, 2006 19:53:45 GMT
Yes dear, Keep taking the tablets Now I'm not on any medication now Mister... not even them there inhalers. What shall I take instead? ;D N. |
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Post by The Collector on Sept 29, 2006 10:03:48 GMT
Creme Eggs!
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Post by The Collector on Sept 29, 2006 10:04:07 GMT
Pavlov’s Cat
Finally tonight, I want to talk about a guy called Pavlov, who was Eastern European, I think Russian, and did the famous experiment, “Pavlov’s Dog.” You probably heard of, ring bells and dogs eating food, response times, Pavlovian kind of response, it’s all about ice-cream and… And he wrote these experiments.
“Day One – Pavlov’s Dog – Rang bell, dog ate food, very excited…” He’s become Welsh! (Welsh accent) “Very excited… terribly excited here in Russia. Day Two – been well-accepted here in Russia… changed my name from Evans to Pavlov. I’m now called Gareth Pavlov… and fitting in well. Day two – rang bell, dog ate two loads of food, very excited. Day Three, right? (big grin, trying hard not to laugh) Day Three – rang three bells, dog ate a whole bunch of food and my leg, too. Very excited, win Nobel Dog Prize for cats.”
So he did this, he won the prize… Nobel, whatever he won, and Pavlov’s dog, we all know that, but you never heard his cat results, did you? You probably thought he was finished!
“Pavlov’s Cat Results – Day One – rang bell… cat f*cked off. Damn… Day Two – rang bell, cat went and answered dog. Day Three – rang bell, cat said he’d eaten earlier. Day Four – went to ring bell on day four, but cat had stolen batteries. Final day – Day Five – went to ring bell with new batteries, but cat put his paw on bell, so it only made a ‘thunk!’ noise. Then cat rang his own bell! I ate food…”
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Post by The Collector on Sept 29, 2006 10:06:18 GMT
Cats and Dogs
Cats and dogs are very interesting with human beings, ‘cause we have a pet relationship with them, and we’re the only animals that do this, you know. Giraffes do not have pet gazelles. “Gazelle, go and run in Africa.” They don’t say that.
And we have pets because they lower our blood pressure, this is apparently official – they lower our blood pressure. I don’t know how they do that, (mimes petting pet) you sort of stroke them, you go to sleep, and while you sleep, the dog puts one of those big, puffy things in your arm, and… (mimes taking blood pressure)
“It’s 180 over 60.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know, I’m a dog!”
Actually, when doctors do that, they’re not actually taking your blood pressure; they’re just f*cking around with this. They’ve actually got a jumpy spider behind your back and that’s why they’re… (mimes moving spider around) ‘Cause I saw one once.
“There’s a jumpy spider behind my back!”
“Yeah, that’s what we do! It’s jumpy spider-time! We’re into jumpy spiders.”
And the spider is going… (motions spider jumping about) True!
Yeah – so anyway, that’s what they do; your dog takes your blood pressure, and you fall asleep, and the cat drains all the blood from your body… and sells it to one of those mobile blood banks. That’s why sometimes you wake up, feeling all anemic, and you see your cat and dog counting out fivers, as the van pulls off. You ever had that? Yeah…
I don’t know, they lower our blood pressure. You stroke a dog, the dog goes, “oooooooo…” and cats go (drilling sound), because they’re drilling, aren’t they? That’s what they’re doing. They’re drilling, they drill for gold! They drill for oil, they drill for anything! Just for the love of drilling! When they’re behind your sofa, they’re just drilling. (mimes drilling) They’ve got goggles on, it’s okay! There’s a compressor over there… Your friends come and say,
“I think your cat’s drilling behind your sofa!”
“I don’t think so, that’s purring, that noise, isn’t it? Cat, are you drilling?”
And the cat hears this, whips off the goggles, (mimes coming from behind the sofa), “No, no… Drilling? No! No, I’m a cat! How would I know how to drill? That’s purring you’re thinking of, purring! Oh, yes, purring! Having a good ole purr back here… no drilling. No, no, okay… “ (mimes putting goggles back on and resuming drilling) Sometimes they drill 40, 50 feet, you know, just for the hell of it.
Cats are much cooler than dogs though, aren’t they? Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal. You have no control over your cat! You can’t say to your cat, “Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!” ‘Cause the cat’s just gonna be sitting there, going, “Interesting words… Have you finished?” While you’re shouting all this to your cat, your dog’s next to you, going… (mimes obeying all commands)
“What the hell are you doing? I’m talking to the cat!”
“Oh, I’m sorry!”
You wouldn’t even dream of training your cat. “Cat, come for training. Now stay… sta… hello? Hello? “ They just don’t care, they just p*ss off. And… dogs and cats eat dog and cat food, and you get this “new and improved” cat and dog food thing, and – I don’t know how you tell whether cat and dog food is “new and improved.” Do humans go (mimes sampling it), “Mmm, lovely!”? I mean, dogs just eat anything, dogs go… (mimes dog eating with both hands, very quickly) And you say, “Is that new and improved? Does it taste good?” and the dog is going, “Uh… I don’t know… Oh, it’s all over my shirt now! Jesus!” Whereas cats are much more choosy, cats will look through the food… (mimes cat touching food with paw) “So this is..? “New and improved,” is it really? Is it really..? Well, I’m going out.” (walks away nonchalantly) And they walk up to the cat door, they just stop there, they turn around and go, “Keys?” (mimes cat leaving) Of course, your dog can’t go, your dog’s going,
“Can I go?”
“No, I’m busy at the moment.”
“But the cat went out!”
“Yes… “
“And I can’t go?”
“No, no… He has a cat door, you see.”
“Oh, right… And why?”
“Well, I have no idea.”
I wonder who was the first cat that persuaded a human to put a cat door in. You know, they just do. We throw sticks at dogs, that’s the level we have dogs at. You’d never dram of throwing one for a cat. We throw sticks for dogs, and dogs go, “Oh, he’s dropped the stick! I better go and get that… (mimes chasing after the stick) You dropped your stick there. Thought I’d bring it back… And you hang on… (mimes giving the stick back and follows it with the eyes as it’s thrown again) Did you see me? I just brought that back! And then you thr… you dropped it again? It’s very weird what’s going on here… Now hang on to it this time, I don’t want to p*ss about all the time. You think I enjoy this? There you… Don’t f*cking throw it!!” That’s why the third time, when they come back, they won’t give it to you, they go, (through clenched teeth) “No… I won’t let you take it!”
And the cat door thing is a vertical version of those saloon bar doors, where gunslingers in westerns would push their way in, and say, “I’ve come for you, Jack McGoo.” And someone at the bar would say,
“You’ve come for whom, sir?”
“Jack McGoo. Johnnie Googer? The Googer family? Oh, I’ll go away, then.”
And these expensive westerns- the cats have seen them on the telly. You watch a cat coming into the kitchen. Sometimes they just come in, just like gunslingers. They push their way in through the cat door, and just stand there, on one hip… and all the dogs in the kitchen just stop moving. The dog eating the food…. (mimes all the dogs’ actions) Other dog playing piano… (mimes as if to show the weapon) So he can get the tail out. Yes…
And cats are like that because they’re more responsible. They go outside, the fast car goes (sound of car speeding away), and they go, “Ooh, it’s a Mazda!” Whereas dogs, dogs just go mad, they get outside and go, “Got to chase, chase… Chase! Chase the car! Car! Car! Car!” (mimes dog chasing car) They chase cars up to 4,000 miles. “Car!” They catch up with the car… (panting) “Tag! You’re it!” (takes off running in opposite direction)
And cats leap up walls! Six foot walls, they just go… (mimes cat jumping) Lands perfectly, and turn… turn… and back flip and forward flip, and dismount! They always land perfectly, they never do that sort of wobbly-gymnast … (mimes wobbling) You never see cats on a wall having a problem, do you? You never see a cat going, (mimes tentative walk)
“f*cking ‘ell..! I’m not sure about this…” and a cat on the ground, going, “Easy, Ginger! Walk it out!” Yeah, that’s it.
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 29, 2006 10:43:20 GMT
Pavlov's cat sketch is good too.
N.
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Post by Zoot on Mar 8, 2008 9:52:38 GMT
I don’t know, they lower our blood pressure. You stroke a dog, the dog goes, “oooooooo…” and cats go (drilling sound), because they’re drilling, aren’t they? That’s what they’re doing. They’re drilling, they drill for gold! They drill for oil, they drill for anything! Just for the love of drilling! When they’re behind your sofa, they’re just drilling. (mimes drilling) They’ve got goggles on, it’s okay! There’s a compressor over there… Your friends come and say, “I think your cat’s drilling behind your sofa!” “I don’t think so, that’s purring, that noise, isn’t it? Cat, are you drilling?” And the cat hears this, whips off the goggles, (mimes coming from behind the sofa), “No, no… Drilling? No! No, I’m a cat! How would I know how to drill? That’s purring you’re thinking of, purring! Oh, yes, purring! Having a good ole purr back here… no drilling. No, no, okay… “ (mimes putting goggles back on and resuming drilling) Sometimes they drill 40, 50 feet, you know, just for the hell of it. That's one of my favourite Izzard moments! I've only just found this thread. I think he's funny - but then I like surreal stuff. He tends to go off on quite a tangent sometimes.. Cake or Death? ;D |
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Post by Mr Levity on Mar 7, 2012 13:40:34 GMT
Never really heard much of his stuff until I was listening to Radio 4 extra one saturday night. 10pm came and went and I wasn't really paying attention until the Pavlov's Dogs bit came on. Recorded the rest and listened to it the next day.
Heelarious !
Listening to his take on religion and Star Wars (among other things) today.
He's on every Saturday night at 10pm with shows from early 2000s.
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Post by Stan Butler on Mar 7, 2012 16:50:00 GMT
I've never been a fan of Eddie Izzard.
However, a few days ago they played this little routine on the radio and it made me chuckle...
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