Stanley Holloway

[bluebottle]

I know what most of you will be thinking Stanley Holloway who the F***'s that, I don't know if this falls under the category of Comedy.

Stanley Holloway performed Monologues from about 1929-1941.
The monologues that he performed covered everything from holidays to Blackpool (Albert & The Lion) to funerals (Brahn Boots).

I think one of the most famous monologues if not thee most famous monologue that he performed was Albert & The Lion.

I first heard this particular monologue when a was just a kid and I thought it was BRILLIANT.

The story involves the Ramsbottom family with their little son Albert on their day out to Blackpool, a stick with a Horses head handle and an old lion called Wallace. If anyone gets the opportunity to listen to any of Stanley Holloway's Monologues I strangely recommend it.

The reason I suggested Stanley Holloway for the Forum is.........

He Makes Me Laugh which you'll agree is the point of COMEDY.

;D ;D ;D

[Stan Butler]

You're right. Who the F***.!!!

Interesting to hear of some obscure stuff.
Spread the word young Bluebottle!

[moriarty]

i have just recently aquired a stanley holloway album wich im gona take to zygons so he can do his mum a copy should anyone else require a copy i sugest a swift message to zygon might be in order its got all the classics on it including albert and the lion and sam sam pick up thy muskit

[Stan Butler]

I wouldn't mind hearing a bit of it, for research purposes, but I don't know if I'll want a copy.

'sam sam pick up thy musket', sounds interesting (for a certain 11 year old reason!)


By the way, you shouldn't be offering copies in public. Try saying you would like to make several backup copies from the original, so that your friends can look after them for safe keeping!

;D ;D ;D

[moriarty]

i hadnt thought of that thanks for trying to keep me out of trouble boss!!

[Lieutenant Columbo]

I've got a double cassette of Mr. Holloway's monologues... including all the "Albert" ones.

Classic stuff!



N.

[bluebottle]

We'll what can I say I am AMAZED.......My Initial feeling when I started the Stanley Holloway thread was that most people whould say

WHO THE F**K IS STANLEY HOLLOWAY

[Lieutenant Columbo]

Aha! Surprising what we's all into really ain't it?

;D

N.

[bluebottle]

I think the word you are looking for columbo is............

Scary!!!

[muffinman]

bluebottle said:

We'll what can I say I am AMAZED.......My Initial feeling when I started the Stanley Holloway thread was that most people whould say

WHO THE F**K IS STANLEY HOLLOWAY

NOT ME!


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YORKSHIRE PUDDEN'


Hi waitress, excuse me a minute, now listen,
I'm not finding fault, but here, Miss,
The 'taters look gradely... the beef is a'reet,
But what kind of pudden is this?

It's what?...
Yorkshire pudden!, now coom, coom, coom, coom,
It's what? Yorkshire pudden d'ye say!
It's pudden, I'll grant you... it's some sort of pudden,
But not Yorkshire pudden... nay nay!

The real Yorkshire pudden's a dream in batter,
To make one's an art, not a trade,
Now listen to me, for I'm going to tell thee,
How t' first Yorkshire pudden wor made.

A young angel on furlough from heaven,
Came flying above Ilkley Moor,
And this angel, poor thing, got cramp in her wing,
And coom down at owd woman's door.

The owd woman smiled and said, 'Ee, it's an angel,
Well I am surprised to see thee,
I've not seen an angel before... but thou 'rt welcome,
I'll make thee a nice cup o' tea.'

The angel said, 'Ee, thank you kindly, I will',
Well, she had two or three cups of tea,
Three or four Sally Lunns, and a couple of buns...
Angels eat very lightly you see.

The owd woman looking at clock said, 'By Gum!
He's due home from mill is my Dan,
You get on wi' ye tea, but you must excuse me,
I must make pudden now for t' owd man.

Then the angel jumped up and said, 'Gimme the bowl...
Flour and watter and eggs, salt an' all,
And I'll show thee how we make puddens in Heaven,
For Peter and Thomas and Paul'.

So t' owd woman gave her the things, and the angel,
Just pushed back her wings and said. 'Hush'
Then she tenderly tickled the mixture wi' t' spoon,
Like an artist would paint with his brush.

Aye, she mixed up that pudden with Heavenly magic,
She played with her spoon on that dough,
Just like Paderewski would play the piano.
Or Kreisler now deceased would twiddle his bow.

And then it wor done and she put it in t' oven
She said t' owd woman, 'Goodbye',
Then she flew away leaving the first Yorkshire pudden,
That ever was made... and that's why...

It melts in the mouth, like the snow in the sunshine,
As light as a maiden's first kiss,
As soft as the fluff on the breast of a dove...
Not elephant's leather, like this.

It's real Yorkshire pudden that makes Yorkshire lassies,
So buxum and broad in the hips,
It's real Yorkshire pudden that makes Yorkshire cricketers,
Win County championships.

It's real Yorkshire pudden that gives me my dreams,
Of a real Paradise up above,
Where at the last trump, I'll queue up for a lump,
Of the real Yorkshire pudden I love.

And there on a cloud... far away from the crowd,
In a real Paradise, not a dud 'un,
I'll do nowt for ever... and ever and ever,
But gollup up real Yorkshire pudden.


****************************************

[muffinman]

****************************************


SWEENEY TODD THE BARBER


In Fleet Street, that's in London Town
When King Charlie wore the crown,
There lived a man of great renown
'Twas Sweeney Todd the Barber.

One shave from him and you'd want no more,
You'd feel his razor sharp,
Then tumble, wallop!, through the floor
And wake up playing a harp, and singing . . .

Sweeney Todd the Barber, by God he were better than the play,
Sweeney Todd the Barber, "I'll polish 'em off" he used to say.

His clients through the floor would slope
But he had no fear of the hangman's rope
"Dead men can't talk with their mouths full of soap,"
Said Sweeney Todd the Barber.

Now underneath the shop, it's true
Where the bodies tumble through,
There lived a little widow, who
Loved Sweeney Todd the Barber.

She made her living by selling pies,
Her meat pies were a treat,
Chock full of meat and such a size
For she was getting the meat from mister

Sweeney Todd the Barber, by God he were better than the play,
Sweeney Todd the Barber, "I'll polish 'em off" he used to say.

For many a poor orphan lad
The first square meal he ever had
Was a hot meat pie made out of his dad
From Sweeney Todd the Barber

It was Saturday night in Old Sweeney Todd's shop
And the customers sat in a row.
While behind a screen Sweeney shaved some poor mug
And his sweetheart made pies down below.

Though none were aware, it were "cut prices" there,
They were rolling up in twos and threes,
And his foot got quite sore pressing knob on the floor
And his voice went from saying "Next please!"

Well in came a swell and he asked Sweeney Todd "
Just a shave and a perfumed shampoo,
For I've just got engaged."
Sweeney just pressed the knob and said,
"There, now it's all fallen through."

Well a bookmaker sat with his mouthful of soap, said,
"They're all backing favourites today,
So I 'spect I'll go down," Sweeney said,
"Yes you will," And he did, he went down straight away.

But what rotten luck, the darn trap went and stuck
For the hinge he'd forgotten to grease,
And a customer started calling out "Police!"
Just as Sweeney was shouting, "Next please!"

Yes, he ran to the door and he shouted out "Police!"
He shouted out "Police!", nine times or ten
But no policeman came, it wasn't no wonder
Police weren't invented by then.

But up came the bold Bow Street Runners (Hurrah!)
And he had to let many a pie burn
And they dragged him to Quad, and next day Sweeney Todd
Was condemned to be switched off at Tyburn.

And there on the gibbet he hangs in his chains
And they do say a little black crow
Made a sweet little nest in old Sweeney Todd's whiskers
And he sang as he swang to and fro . . .

Sweeney Todd the Barber, by God he were better than the play,
Sweeney Todd the Barber, they buried him underneath the clay


And Old Nick calls him from his grave shouting,
"Wake up, Sweeney, I need a shave,
And Mrs Nick wants a permanent wave
From Sweeney Todd the Barber."


**************************************

[Stan Butler]

I read that Yorkshire Pudden one in Charlie Williams' voice then... ;D


I said "Tha wot owld fruwt!"

[planet24]

Ah yes Stanley Holloway - a talented actor, took the part of the dustman (Eliza's Father) in My Fair Lady, - 'I'm gettin married in the mornin'- the station master in 'Brief Encounter' - 'Try pullin' yer eyelid down and blowin yer nose' and was Julian Holloway's ( Actor) father.

Much beloved radio and music hall star. RIP