Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 22, 2006 17:19:55 GMT
(On going to war over religion:) "You're basically killing each other
to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
** Rich Jeni
"I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know."
** Franck Dubosc
"I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms."
** Gary Valentine
(On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
** Jeff Green
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers. so people don't blame everything on Satan.'"
** John Wing
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'"
** Francois Morency
"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"
** Rich Jeni
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
** Tim Steeves
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
** Jimmy Shubert
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane :
Either you have diarrhoea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
** Rich Jeni
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's
reading."
** Emo Philips
"What's with squeegee kids? I mean, they don't really wash the
windshield, do they? They simply redistribute the dirt."
** Ken Scott
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex no matter how bad it is."
** Lenny Clarke
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the
natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
** Emo Philips
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
'Thyroid problem?'"
** Emo Philips
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're
in."
** Rich Jeni
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black
men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
** Ren Hicks
"Things you'll never hear a woman say : 'My, what an attractive
scrotum!'"
** Jeff Green
N.
to see who's got the better imaginary friend."
** Rich Jeni
"I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know."
** Franck Dubosc
"I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms."
** Gary Valentine
(On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
** Jeff Green
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers. so people don't blame everything on Satan.'"
** John Wing
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'"
** Francois Morency
"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"
** Rich Jeni
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
** Tim Steeves
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
** Jimmy Shubert
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane :
Either you have diarrhoea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
** Rich Jeni
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's
reading."
** Emo Philips
"What's with squeegee kids? I mean, they don't really wash the
windshield, do they? They simply redistribute the dirt."
** Ken Scott
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex no matter how bad it is."
** Lenny Clarke
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the
natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
** Emo Philips
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
'Thyroid problem?'"
** Emo Philips
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're
in."
** Rich Jeni
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black
men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
** Ren Hicks
"Things you'll never hear a woman say : 'My, what an attractive
scrotum!'"
** Jeff Green
N.
