Post by moriarty on Jan 11, 2007 3:14:15 GMT
there are millions of these here are just a few!
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant
What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
She's trying to hold on to a thought.
What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A vacant possession.
What did the blonde's dentist find?
Teeth in the cavity.
What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A padded dash.
Why do blondes use correction fluid on their computer screens?
They couldn't find their eraser.
Why did the blonde cross the road?
She wanted to see the geese because she heard honking!
Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
How do blondes brain-cells die?
Alone
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
She sneezes.
What do you get when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
After a dye job.
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much
Why did the blonde cross the road?
Don't know ??
Neither did she.
What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
An IN-body experience!
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
There's correction fluid on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde has been using your computer?
There's writing on the correction fluid
How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Why don't blondes use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.
How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
Unfertilised.
How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
Because their balls show!
Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
Because they can spell it.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
Pack their lunch and send them to work.
How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant
What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
She's trying to hold on to a thought.
What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A vacant possession.
What did the blonde's dentist find?
Teeth in the cavity.
What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A padded dash.
Why do blondes use correction fluid on their computer screens?
They couldn't find their eraser.
Why did the blonde cross the road?
She wanted to see the geese because she heard honking!
Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
How do blondes brain-cells die?
Alone
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
She sneezes.
What do you get when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
After a dye job.
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much
Why did the blonde cross the road?
Don't know ??
Neither did she.
What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
An IN-body experience!
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
There's correction fluid on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde has been using your computer?
There's writing on the correction fluid
How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Why don't blondes use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.
How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
Unfertilised.
How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
Because their balls show!
Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
Because they can spell it.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
Pack their lunch and send them to work.
How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
