Spike Milligan

[The Collector]

The Grand Old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men.
His case comes up next week.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.



Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

Her mother was a cultivated women...she was born in a greenhouse.

[The Collector]

After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

I don't mind dying. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

[funkdooby]

I never liked Spike Milligan much, but I met him once at Broadcasting House around 1993 and he was completely hysterical (in a good way - he wasn't wailing and eating the wallpaper or anything). What struck me was how completely down to earth he was.