The Goons

The Collector
Concert Secretary

Funky Gibbon

Sad In'it[Mo0:3]

Posts: 10,380

The Goons Aug 10, 2006 11:29:21 GMT

Quote

Post by The Collector on Aug 10, 2006 11:29:21 GMT

Bluebottle What time is it Eccles?
Eccles Err, just a minute. I, I've got it written down 'ere on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.
Bluebottle Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?
Eccles Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.
Bluebottle Wait a minute Eccles, my good man...
Eccles What is it fellow?
Bluebottle It's writted on this bit of paper, what is eight o'clock, is writted.
Eccles I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was eight o'clock.
Bluebottle Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?
Eccles Ah, den I don't show it to dem.
Bluebottle Ooohhh...
Eccles [Smacks lips] Yeah.
Bluebottle Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?
Eccles I've got it written down on a piece of paper!
Bluebottle Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on.
Eccles Oohhhh.
Bluebottle 'Ere Eccles?
Eccles Yah.
Bluebottle Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? - 'Ere. This piece of paper ain't goin'.
Eccles What? I've been sold a forgery!
Bluebottle No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.
Eccles Oh dear.
Bluebottle You should get one of them tings my grandad's got.
Eccles Oooohhh?
Bluebottle His firm give it to him when he retired.
Eccles Oooohhh.
Bluebottle It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.
Eccles Ohhh yeah! What's it called? Um.
Bluebottle My granma.
Eccles Ohh... Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?
Bluebottle She's got it written down on a piece of paper!

Stuff Lover

bluebottle Canned Laughter Posts: 205	The Goons Aug 11, 2006 7:59:15 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by bluebottle on Aug 11, 2006 7:59:15 GMT COMEDY GENIUS!!! It makes you laugh even when you read it writted down...

The Collector
Concert Secretary

Funky Gibbon

Sad In'it[Mo0:3]

Posts: 10,380

The Goons Aug 11, 2006 16:29:02 GMT

Quote

Post by The Collector on Aug 11, 2006 16:29:02 GMT

William: Well, sir, it's like this, see. At 12.30 a monster lorry draws up outside, ten men jump out and wallop me on the head. I turn round to see who it was, and wallop, wallop, on my head again. I stood up, you see, have a quick barder, no-one there and wallop, wallop, wallop, all on my head! As I took out my notebook, all official like, wallop! Wallop, wallop, on my head, all wallops all over my head. And then-
Seagoon: Yes, yes, yes, but did you notice anything about these men?
William: Yes.
Seagoon: What?
William: I noticed they kept walloping me on the head.

Stuff Lover

The Collector
Concert Secretary

Funky Gibbon

Sad In'it[Mo0:3]

Posts: 10,380

The Goons Aug 11, 2006 16:29:29 GMT

Quote

Post by The Collector on Aug 11, 2006 16:29:29 GMT

Henry: Here, Minnie, hold my elephant gun.
Minnie: I don't know what you brought it for. You can't shoot elephants in England, you know.
Henry: And why not?
Minnie: They're out of season.
Henry: Does this mean we shall have to have pelican for dinner again?
Minnie: I fear so, I fear so.
Henry: Then I'll risk it. I'll shoot an elephant out of season.

Stuff Lover

The Collector Concert Secretary Funky Gibbon Sad In'it[Mo0:3] Posts: 10,380	The Goons Aug 11, 2006 16:30:13 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by The Collector on Aug 11, 2006 16:30:13 GMT Seagoon: Now, what is your exact position? Bluebottle: I'm lying on my side, with my knees drawn up under my chin. Seagoon: Why? Bluebottle: I'm at home in bed.
	Stuff Lover

The Collector
Concert Secretary

Funky Gibbon

Sad In'it[Mo0:3]

Posts: 10,380

The Goons Aug 11, 2006 16:30:43 GMT

Quote

Post by The Collector on Aug 11, 2006 16:30:43 GMT

Eccles: The wagon train with your wife on board has been attacked by the Indians!
Captain: My wife? Is she safe?
Eccles: Yeah.
Captain: I never did like them Indians.
Lt. Hern: Did they follow you?
Eccles: Yeah. They were shooting at me all the time. But I just stuck my tongue out at them.
Lt. Hern: Get wounded?
Eccles: Yeah.
Lt. Hern: Where?
Eccles: In the tongue.

Stuff Lover

The Collector Concert Secretary Funky Gibbon Sad In'it[Mo0:3] Posts: 10,380	The Goons Aug 11, 2006 16:31:34 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by The Collector on Aug 11, 2006 16:31:34 GMT Bloodnok: This pound note. What colour was it? Seagoon: Green. Bloodnok: It's mine! Mine was green!
	Stuff Lover

The Collector Concert Secretary Funky Gibbon Sad In'it[Mo0:3] Posts: 10,380	The Goons Aug 11, 2006 16:33:05 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by The Collector on Aug 11, 2006 16:33:05 GMT Yes Folks - A cheap way to get me posts up!
	Last Edit: Aug 11, 2006 16:33:24 GMT by The Collector Stuff Lover

sphinx13 Not Got Much To Say! Posts: 1	The Goons Sept 18, 2006 19:35:04 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by sphinx13 on Sept 18, 2006 19:35:04 GMT You people are strange. I like that in a people. sings quietly I've tried walking backwards, and walking to the front... they just look at me and - say it's a publicity stunt....

Lieutenant Columbo Lifetime Achievement in Comedy The Lieutenant Crumpled Detective Posts: 5,533	The Goons Sept 18, 2006 21:05:15 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 18, 2006 21:05:15 GMT Oim warking backwoooods four Kweesmass... Too prooove that Oi laav yew! ;D B-side to the 'Ying Tong' song eh? N.
	"Just one more question..."

The Collector Concert Secretary Funky Gibbon Sad In'it[Mo0:3] Posts: 10,380	The Goons Sept 19, 2006 14:33:55 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by The Collector on Sept 19, 2006 14:33:55 GMT I was Monty's Treble was on BBC7 last night...Moriarty and me got back from Southport, rather rain soaked and this deffinatly was what we needed...
	Stuff Lover

bluebottle Canned Laughter Posts: 205	The Goons Oct 20, 2006 18:55:54 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by bluebottle on Oct 20, 2006 18:55:54 GMT Why not also have a nice piece of Batter Pudding.......

The Collector Concert Secretary Funky Gibbon Sad In'it[Mo0:3] Posts: 10,380	The Goons Oct 20, 2006 20:39:20 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by The Collector on Oct 20, 2006 20:39:20 GMT ...It's Gone Cold!
	Stuff Lover

bluebottle
Canned Laughter

Posts: 205

The Goons Oct 21, 2006 9:02:43 GMT

Quote

Post by bluebottle on Oct 21, 2006 9:02:43 GMT

My God!!!!! I am sure you will agree there is nothing quite so terrible as a piece of cold batter pudding...

Have no fear in a few weeks you will be able to join the expedition for the Great International Christmas Pudding......

Most importantly you should always remember in these troubled times in which we live that if anyone should ask you the time you should tell them............

"I've Got It Written Down On A Piece Of Paper........"

(that was a public information broadcast on behalf of the BBC Home Service.)

The Collector Concert Secretary Funky Gibbon Sad In'it[Mo0:3] Posts: 10,380	The Goons Oct 21, 2006 9:21:51 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by The Collector on Oct 21, 2006 9:21:51 GMT Have a Gorilla...
	Stuff Lover