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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Aug 30, 2006 0:26:26 GMT
Or a Brad Pitt.
You know... gave birth to an otter... dropped a lung... dropped a copper bolt... laid a cable.
Or in nursing terms:
Had a bowel action/passed a motion.
Yes - we've finally reached that level - but this is not only silly it's informative too - we'll get to know how regular we are and won't that be fun?
Okay then - me first!
Just had a poop: 01:22 in the morning!
I'll sleep half a stone lighter now!
;D
N.
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Post by Stan Butler on Aug 30, 2006 16:05:37 GMT
I always have one 10 minutes after I get up out of bed in a morning. Then depending on what I eat during the day, maybe a mid-afternoon poo and one just before I go to bed. Some mornings, I get a surprise around about 6.30am and have to wake myself up for a bonus visit. This interrupts my sleep and p*sses me off a bit, but I don't want to soil the bed. Even with this bonus appearance, I'll still do my regular one after being up 10 minutes. There you go. What do you want to know next? What size, colour? What's in it?, soft, hard, pebble dash? One more question. Which hand do you wipe your bum with?  |
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Aug 30, 2006 16:22:49 GMT
Oh ho! I hold the TOILET PAPER in the right hand!  Eh? You don't own me... do yer teeth itch? It's a warm cold. Ahem - to continue. Had another poo this a.m. at about 9:30 - and I'll go again in a bit. Oh no... I've not geet diarrhoea - I'm just regular!  N. |
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Post by Stan Butler on Aug 30, 2006 16:28:16 GMT
it runs down your leg
like you've just cracked an egg.
diarrhoea!
No pain, no strain
just sit n let it drain
diarrhoea!
Remember that poem?
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Aug 30, 2006 21:05:03 GMT
;D Yep... and after a recent episode of gastroenteritis I certainly won't say "no pain" - a chapped bum is no laughing matter!
;D
N.
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Post by Stan Butler on Aug 30, 2006 22:38:03 GMT
;D Yep... and after a recent episode of gastroenteritis I certainly won't say "no pain" - a chapped bum is no laughing matter! ;D N. It is not, no. My brother came up with a phrase for a chapped arse. (well I've never heard anyone else use it anyway) "Arsehole smartwart" [thats' 'w'heart', not as in 'wart' caused by handling toads] |
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Aug 30, 2006 23:04:46 GMT
;D Mad stuff. Also - there's a term for having a 'sweaty crack' 0 the kind you get and can't wipe 'cause yer in public... Known as "Traveller's Bottom" True - a 'rambling term. Sounds more like a folk group though. "How's tha' doin'?" "We's geeten itchy bumholes" And so forth. N. |
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Post by Stan Butler on Sept 1, 2006 17:59:10 GMT
Only had one poo today, as of yet. But I'm off out in a bit for a meal, so that should get things in motion... Just hope it waits till I get home though. I don't like cacking on other toilets other than my own!
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 1, 2006 21:15:38 GMT
I don't like cacking on other toilets other than my own!  Me neither... it always takes me a bit to settle when on holiday! I can never have one at work neither... even though it would be in works time and technically I'd be getting paid for it (weekends at time & two turds) I just can't! And as for caravan holidays... NO WAY!!! There's no way am I having a crouch on summat with wheels... I want solid ground ta! N. P.S. I had one - 6:15 p.m. |
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Post by Stan Butler on Sept 3, 2006 13:13:23 GMT
Only had one poo today, as of yet. But I'm off out in a bit for a meal, so that should get things in motion... Just hope it waits till I get home though. I don't like cacking on other toilets other than my own! UPDATE: I ended up having a quick crap before I went for the meal. I think the possibility of crapping in a public cacker brought it on early. On arriving home, I had two more just before bedtime in the space of half an hour. The meal I had was a bit rich (some sort of spicy stewed beef) AND it looked exactly the same when it left the building (so to speak) |
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 4, 2006 14:41:16 GMT
Good grief - I hope you didn't recycle!
;D
Anyhow - I had one five minutes ago - mad innit? Didn't need one whilst at work but as soon as I'm through the door...
Well... not 'as soon as' - I went to the lavvy upstairs first!
;D
N.
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Post by Stan Butler on Sept 4, 2006 14:45:46 GMT
... Well... not 'as soon as' - I went to the lavvy upstairs first! ;D N. Thank God for that. I was just about to offer you some carpet cleaner! |
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 4, 2006 14:49:36 GMT
;D
I've just thought... maybe this thread's putting people off joining - it is in VERY bad taste.
Stuff 'em!
I did draw the line at "When did you last have a sh*g" as a thread... or to those into 'onanism' and 'self discovery' - "When did you last have a w*nk?"
Out of order!
;D
N.
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Post by Stan Butler on Sept 4, 2006 16:07:04 GMT
;D I've just thought... maybe this thread's putting people off joining - it is in VERY bad taste. Stuff 'em! I did draw the line at "When did you last have a sh*g" as a thread... or to those into 'onanism' and 'self discovery' - "When did you last have a w*nk?" Out of order! ;D N. It could well be putting folk off. I might make this bit invisible to the public too! Just in case! |
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Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Sept 4, 2006 22:03:00 GMT
Why for heaven's sake?
We're Brits - we's obsessed with going to the lavvy!
Ain't dat de troof an' all guv'nor?
Gawd, what accent was that?
;D
N.
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